Archive for the ‘Education’ Category

Today is an historic day (I don’t know if you’ve heard). But in the midst of blanket coverage of the US presidential election are we in danger of missing the important news from within Britain itself?

For example, were you aware that the British Educational Suppliers Association has released data that shows how current school furniture is too small for today’s pupils?

Furniture for pupils in schools is smaller than furniture for normal people. This is because children are thought to be smaller on average than adults. Unfortunately, the measurements used to make school furniture is based on children from the 1960s, when the country had only recently gone off rationing and the prevalence of smoking meant that most children were smaller and more withered than the children of today.

Educational experts say that it would be “better” if school desks and chairs didn’t cause long term back problems.


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Top universities have suggested that their students aren’t paying enough towards lecturers’ salaries. Researchers have discovered that after a few years, students stop being students and become real people. This means that they start earning money, which can end up being more money than university staff earns. Thus the universities are recommending students give them more money in fees in advance of their impending wealth.
It is therefore hoped that students who fail to get a job with a very high salary will be awarded back pay.

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A school in Sutton Coalfield has made the news this week for banning traditional school ties in favour of a clip-on version. Apparently teachers found the range of chavy tie knots displayed by the pupils to be offensive. Accurate descriptions of school pupils’ opinions on their teachers clothing are unprintable.

School uniforms are a long held tradition in Britain. They were first introduced by elderly teachers with poor eyesight to help them identify their pupils before spectacles were invented. They became even more popular after photography got started, when the first-day-at-school photo was found to be useful for public embarrassment and blackmail purposes.

Many schools have experimented with their uniforms over the years, in the hope of finding the perfect combination of itchy fabric and soul-crushing design. School uniforms perhaps reached their pinnacle in the 1970s, with pinafore dresses and berets enjoying their heyday, before they moved on to the ignominy of Brownie uniforms.

Currently, school governors are attempting to gradually phase uniforms into an approximation of leisurewear or prison uniforms, as most pupils are likely to end up wearing these anyway.

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Maths teachers have been criticised for teaching mathematics today.  Apparently school pupils are learning how to pass maths exams but still are unable to do maths.  This teaching tactic isn’t new however, as pupils have been learning English for years without being able to use it correctly. 


Ofsted has said the effectiveness of work in maths in schools just doesn’t add up – 11% of schools were judged to be outstanding, 44% good and 40% satisfactory.  The other 5% must have been miscounted. 


It is extremely important that today’s pupils learn the practical applications of mathematics, otherwise they will find problems later on.  Imagine a world where children lack a strong grasp of the subject – banks would collapse, share prices would be chaotic; financially everything would be a mess.  The idea is inconceivable. 


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A-Levels and GCSE’s are commonly known as a Good Thing, except during August when the results come out when they become a Bad Thing because there are too many good grades (although students and teachers may still believe that this is a Good Thing).  Students and teachers are, of course, wrong. 


Too many high grades means that universities can’t tell the difference between good students and bad students and this is a very Bad Thing, as bad students are notorious for staying in bed, missing lectures, not completing essays and all the things very good students never ever do.


Some academics believe the answer is to reverse the system and start to take students with lower grades, as clever ones will realise this and deliberately do less work.  Very clever ones may do no work at all, thus top universities should start asking for U grades instead of A grades. 


This tactic may not be perfect, as some very stupid students may not realise the new system and end up with U’s because they don’t do any work anyway.  This could result in embarrassing situations where stupid people go to universities such as Oxford and Cambridge, where they might even come into contact with academics who would inspire them, and this of course would be a Very Bad Thing.

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